Thursday, September 27, 2012
Apparently I'm a grammar snob
I finally got my first email from someone on this Internet dating site.
Where do I begin? His email didn't have one word spelled correctly; so though he was saying that he had a lot in common with me, this was hard to over look. But I really wanted to rise above the disgust that naturally welled up in me as a result of seeing poor grammar. Does it make me better than someone else that I find joy in following the laws dictated to me in elementary school through University for the English language. Eventually I decided that yes, yes it does make me better than this guy.
I get that some people don't care; but I am looking for someone that shares my values, and intelligence and good grammar are some of my favorite values!
To top it off, his picture was of him wearing an Eagle Scouts uniform, he hadn't filled out his profile, he actually answered the questions I avoided (asking very personal questions about sex), and emailed me a second time before I could reply to the second one.
So I deactivated my account.
On a better note, there is this guy (no romantic inclinations, though he is easy on the eyes) that I met in March while out celebrating St. Patrick's day. I ended up moving to the same town where he lives and have been trying to hang out with him. Tonight we actually met up, and I HAD A BLAST! He is conservative, so we debated all night. Kept it respectful. It was fun. And the best part was when the waiter came by to ask if he wanted another drink he said, "Yeah, I'm having fun, why not?" And I thought to myself, "If this were a date, that would be EXACTLY the sort of thing I would want my date to say!" You know, those cues that someone is enjoying themselves. I thought it was cool that he was enjoying hanging out. We didn't even watch the game that we originally went to see.
Please let me find that in DATE FORM, Universe.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I surrender
I am extremely vocal about my personal hatred for online dating. I used to be a walking advertisement for it - I suggested that people try it at least once. But the experience never felt good for me. Then my sister pointed something out - people are able to play up their prejudices online. She hit it on the head. People weren't afraid to judge someone by race, or a few words put online in haste, or whatever the heck else. And then the Aurora shootings happened and they mentioned that the shooter had a profile on match.com which confirmed another thing for me - meeting someone online makes it impossible to observe them in a social setting, which is very key to knowing if a person is weird; and not weird in the pathetic attempt to get more attention way.
However, my friend said that she was going to go back online. And now that I am in a new city, and surrounded by completely age-inappropriate men, I got curious.
1. I made a profile. I promised not to add any information, because I was just there to see who is in the area.
2. I added words to the profile. I promised this was for sociological research, to see if anyone would be interested in my words, not just my face.
3. I added a picture, because I wanted to see if that would help or hurt my case (since 30 minutes of research indicated no one was interested in looking at a picture-less profile). I promised not to reach out to ANYONE, as this was just for looking, not to find a date.
4. I reached out to someone. I couldn't fight it - he had a very high match percentage, his profile was cute and witty, his pictures were good, he said he was out of town a lot, and frankly the idea of maintaining my own time and space while still receiving some benefits of a relationship appeals to me. And then another one came up.
5. So now I am going to obsessively check my profile to see if they reply (even though I will get an email if they do), or if they visit my profile without replying.
I was trying to avoid all of this. But the fact is, it actually makes me feel better. I feel like I have reawakened hope. Because though I assured myself that love could be right around the corner, I couldn't determine the logistics, so it didn't feel close at all. Even if I sit here passive online, it puts me out there a little more than NOT being online. I'm not using it as a replacement for getting out of the house (maybe I will meet people this weekend or the next, or any other time that I step out of doors), I just like feeling that I have used my time effectively.
However, my friend said that she was going to go back online. And now that I am in a new city, and surrounded by completely age-inappropriate men, I got curious.
1. I made a profile. I promised not to add any information, because I was just there to see who is in the area.
2. I added words to the profile. I promised this was for sociological research, to see if anyone would be interested in my words, not just my face.
3. I added a picture, because I wanted to see if that would help or hurt my case (since 30 minutes of research indicated no one was interested in looking at a picture-less profile). I promised not to reach out to ANYONE, as this was just for looking, not to find a date.
4. I reached out to someone. I couldn't fight it - he had a very high match percentage, his profile was cute and witty, his pictures were good, he said he was out of town a lot, and frankly the idea of maintaining my own time and space while still receiving some benefits of a relationship appeals to me. And then another one came up.
5. So now I am going to obsessively check my profile to see if they reply (even though I will get an email if they do), or if they visit my profile without replying.
I was trying to avoid all of this. But the fact is, it actually makes me feel better. I feel like I have reawakened hope. Because though I assured myself that love could be right around the corner, I couldn't determine the logistics, so it didn't feel close at all. Even if I sit here passive online, it puts me out there a little more than NOT being online. I'm not using it as a replacement for getting out of the house (maybe I will meet people this weekend or the next, or any other time that I step out of doors), I just like feeling that I have used my time effectively.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Maybe I Shouldn't watch so much Nat Geo
The aforementioned former roommate revealed to me that she had sex, after a long time waiting. Normally I would be green with envy, especially since it's been so long for me. But this time, I wasn't even phased. I wasn't overly happy for her, but I felt a twinge of excitement. However, I truly felt that I wasn't missing out on anything special. Perhaps it's because I can no longer pretend to want a one-night stand (since the previous post proved that I am pretty terrible at containing them to one night).
I can't help but to think of the animal kingdom whenever I think about dating: should we be MORE or LESS like the animals?
If we were more like the animals, we would never have to wonder if a man liked us, as he would simply let us know by mounting us. But I am still horrified when I see the mating rituals as it typically goes down in a fashion that humans would consider rape. It happens once a year, and you get a baby that you spend a few months to a few years doting on. You eventually get too old to breed, and you are left alone. You don't live too much longer after that.
If we focus on being less like animals, our population should die out fairly quickly. Sex is not necessary like food, water and sleep. It's the equivalent to recreational drug use. Choosing a marriage partner should be for economical reasons only. Your self worth would be determined by ANYTHING that isn't your ability to attract a mate.
If we went the completely logical route, would health still be a factor in choosing a partner? Would you still want to look for someone that will live as long as you think that you would? Or would finding companions become so easy that there wouldn't be a fear of finding a replacement? Or is love something experienced on such a deep level, that regardless of attraction, people would experience too much grief when the partner is lost to want to find a replacement?
I can't help but to think of the animal kingdom whenever I think about dating: should we be MORE or LESS like the animals?
If we were more like the animals, we would never have to wonder if a man liked us, as he would simply let us know by mounting us. But I am still horrified when I see the mating rituals as it typically goes down in a fashion that humans would consider rape. It happens once a year, and you get a baby that you spend a few months to a few years doting on. You eventually get too old to breed, and you are left alone. You don't live too much longer after that.
If we focus on being less like animals, our population should die out fairly quickly. Sex is not necessary like food, water and sleep. It's the equivalent to recreational drug use. Choosing a marriage partner should be for economical reasons only. Your self worth would be determined by ANYTHING that isn't your ability to attract a mate.
If we went the completely logical route, would health still be a factor in choosing a partner? Would you still want to look for someone that will live as long as you think that you would? Or would finding companions become so easy that there wouldn't be a fear of finding a replacement? Or is love something experienced on such a deep level, that regardless of attraction, people would experience too much grief when the partner is lost to want to find a replacement?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Damn Movies
Movies have completely ruined my life! Not just because they parade around hot women that I can never look like, nor because they insist on throwing extremely hot men into my face that are way out of my league. I hate them because they have made my standards for a relationship ridiculously high! (But not the way you think)
Here's why:
I am a person who loves to do things for the story that will result. I always want to do something that is midly illegal, like tagging, because it would be funny to talk about the time that I went tagging, leaving out the part where I sprayed two spots on a wall that was already fully tagged. In college I met one of my soul mates in the form of my roommate, who also likes to make elaborate plans for hijinks. We used to hide in closets to scare people, drive four hours round trip to get to a Macy's, ask people to buy us food even though we had already eaten - just because. And I still do things like this now.
But the real problem is in relationships. I want to have a movie-start to a relationship. Instead of saying, "I met my boyfriend online," or, "His friend introduced us at a party," I want to be able to say something like, "He almost ran me over with his car, but asked me out to dinner to apologize," or, "I left my wallet at Starbucks and he came back every day for a week to return it." These are completely ridiculous examples - but the notion itself is ridiculous. I just want to meet a guy - it shouldn't matter how it happens! So I meet him in a bar? Ok! He STILL got met!
The real problem isn't that I will decline the advances of a guy who I don't meet in an exceptional situation. The problem is that I FALL for guys who I meet in these type of situations, regardless of my attraction to them. And then I try to push our meeting into a relationship, without paying much attention to the other human being.
The Holiday called it a meet cute.
Here is my favorite meet cute: I went to Big Bear with a friend and my sister to attend their Oktoberfest. When we pulled up to the motel, there was a LARGE group of men, which sort of freaked us out because they looked extremely rugged. As we were walking to our room, two more guys walked by us and I asked one if he was with the large group, which he affirmed. He explained that they were fire fighters there due to the wild fires going on in the area (at which point I am screaming out in excitement - in my head). I asked if he was going to Oktoberfest, he said that he wasn't sure, so I told him that he should. Cut to the three of us going to a liquor store to buy some small bottles of booze - we walk in and there are three extremely rugged looking guys already in the store. I immediately assume that they are robbing the place - which was very disturbing because I almost walk into one and he ends up being tall, red headed and very handsome. I was asking where they kept the small bottles of alcohol and he answers, "Right there behind the counter." I thank him, and secretly beg him not to kill me since I was polite.
Now we are at the Oktoberfest, we find the guy from the parking lot, he waves us over, and we start chatting with him and his friends. A few minutes later, three more friends come and join us - the guys from the liquor store!(Not robbers/killers, but firemen?! Swoon!)
Isn't that cute?! Well, it led to almost two years of wishing and hoping that I could marry this guy, in spite of the ten hour drive it took to get to his place, in spite of the fact that he drank more than I was comfortable with, in spite of the fact that we had very little in common, just because I knew my wedding toast would be EPIC!!
This is the problem. One that I hope I can get over one day. But it definitely hasn't happened yet.
Here's why:
I am a person who loves to do things for the story that will result. I always want to do something that is midly illegal, like tagging, because it would be funny to talk about the time that I went tagging, leaving out the part where I sprayed two spots on a wall that was already fully tagged. In college I met one of my soul mates in the form of my roommate, who also likes to make elaborate plans for hijinks. We used to hide in closets to scare people, drive four hours round trip to get to a Macy's, ask people to buy us food even though we had already eaten - just because. And I still do things like this now.
But the real problem is in relationships. I want to have a movie-start to a relationship. Instead of saying, "I met my boyfriend online," or, "His friend introduced us at a party," I want to be able to say something like, "He almost ran me over with his car, but asked me out to dinner to apologize," or, "I left my wallet at Starbucks and he came back every day for a week to return it." These are completely ridiculous examples - but the notion itself is ridiculous. I just want to meet a guy - it shouldn't matter how it happens! So I meet him in a bar? Ok! He STILL got met!
The real problem isn't that I will decline the advances of a guy who I don't meet in an exceptional situation. The problem is that I FALL for guys who I meet in these type of situations, regardless of my attraction to them. And then I try to push our meeting into a relationship, without paying much attention to the other human being.
The Holiday called it a meet cute.
Here is my favorite meet cute: I went to Big Bear with a friend and my sister to attend their Oktoberfest. When we pulled up to the motel, there was a LARGE group of men, which sort of freaked us out because they looked extremely rugged. As we were walking to our room, two more guys walked by us and I asked one if he was with the large group, which he affirmed. He explained that they were fire fighters there due to the wild fires going on in the area (at which point I am screaming out in excitement - in my head). I asked if he was going to Oktoberfest, he said that he wasn't sure, so I told him that he should. Cut to the three of us going to a liquor store to buy some small bottles of booze - we walk in and there are three extremely rugged looking guys already in the store. I immediately assume that they are robbing the place - which was very disturbing because I almost walk into one and he ends up being tall, red headed and very handsome. I was asking where they kept the small bottles of alcohol and he answers, "Right there behind the counter." I thank him, and secretly beg him not to kill me since I was polite.
Now we are at the Oktoberfest, we find the guy from the parking lot, he waves us over, and we start chatting with him and his friends. A few minutes later, three more friends come and join us - the guys from the liquor store!(Not robbers/killers, but firemen?! Swoon!)
Isn't that cute?! Well, it led to almost two years of wishing and hoping that I could marry this guy, in spite of the ten hour drive it took to get to his place, in spite of the fact that he drank more than I was comfortable with, in spite of the fact that we had very little in common, just because I knew my wedding toast would be EPIC!!
This is the problem. One that I hope I can get over one day. But it definitely hasn't happened yet.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
I fall in love like every day
I'm happily single. I don't say that because I am trying to hide my true feelings of despair, nor do I say that because I am over the moon about it - I say it because I try to be happy about the way that my life is at this present moment, in regards to everything, even if it's about something that I would like to change. For everything there is a season, right?
It's also because I am watching this terrible show called Love Handles: Couples in Crisis about couples who are unhappy because they are fat. Most of the couples have men who are completely opposed to doing any sort of work to lost weight - or even to live - and women who keep saying that they are too good for these men, but still manage to have been with them for 5 years. This sort of stuff never makes sense to me, and I would rather remain beffudled by these situations and single, than get into a relationship and start to comprehend that madness. (I'm watching this show because I am overweight and have an obsession with watching people lose weight - it motivates me from time to time to go work out).
Why do I think that I'm single? Because I am looking for the equivalent to a Unicorn.
To describe me: overweight, dowdy dresser, at times inappropriate in public, moody, emotionally shut off, emotionally needy (no, those two aren't mutually exclusive), afraid of rejection, smoker, junk food addict, occasional exerciser, full time student.
To describe my ideal guy: any weight below morbid obesity, not concerned with clothes, well-behaved/ introverted, even keeled, emotionally available, independent, courageous, healthy, works out often, has a decent job.
So you can see why I am single: I want what I don't have. And it's not because I am a hypocrite. It's because I don't want someone who will exacerbate my problems. It's hard to quite smoking if there is someone else near you smoking, nor is it easy to get two people to want to quit at the same time. I can't be with someone who will encourage me to sit on my butt with them, watching tv or something else useless.
Though there are the hypocritical traits - I don't want to have to deal with emotions, but I want a guy who can; I can't handle a needy guy because it diminishes his masculinity, but I want a guy who is okay with the fact that I am a tom boy; I want someone who is courageous so that I don't have to be.
I noticed this the first time when I said I was waiting to discover the outdoors once I could find someone to take me out to them - and I realized that no one was coming, so I had to do this myself, and I did.
Typing this helps me realize the areas where I need to get my shit together. Not that knowledge creates action. Hopefully I can report something in the next post.
On a more exciting note, I went to my bar du jour, and interacted with a cute waiter who likes baseball, touched my shoulder, asked me my name, and made a comment that I was younger than I actually am - in heaven right now:)
It's also because I am watching this terrible show called Love Handles: Couples in Crisis about couples who are unhappy because they are fat. Most of the couples have men who are completely opposed to doing any sort of work to lost weight - or even to live - and women who keep saying that they are too good for these men, but still manage to have been with them for 5 years. This sort of stuff never makes sense to me, and I would rather remain beffudled by these situations and single, than get into a relationship and start to comprehend that madness. (I'm watching this show because I am overweight and have an obsession with watching people lose weight - it motivates me from time to time to go work out).
Why do I think that I'm single? Because I am looking for the equivalent to a Unicorn.
To describe me: overweight, dowdy dresser, at times inappropriate in public, moody, emotionally shut off, emotionally needy (no, those two aren't mutually exclusive), afraid of rejection, smoker, junk food addict, occasional exerciser, full time student.
To describe my ideal guy: any weight below morbid obesity, not concerned with clothes, well-behaved/ introverted, even keeled, emotionally available, independent, courageous, healthy, works out often, has a decent job.
So you can see why I am single: I want what I don't have. And it's not because I am a hypocrite. It's because I don't want someone who will exacerbate my problems. It's hard to quite smoking if there is someone else near you smoking, nor is it easy to get two people to want to quit at the same time. I can't be with someone who will encourage me to sit on my butt with them, watching tv or something else useless.
Though there are the hypocritical traits - I don't want to have to deal with emotions, but I want a guy who can; I can't handle a needy guy because it diminishes his masculinity, but I want a guy who is okay with the fact that I am a tom boy; I want someone who is courageous so that I don't have to be.
I noticed this the first time when I said I was waiting to discover the outdoors once I could find someone to take me out to them - and I realized that no one was coming, so I had to do this myself, and I did.
Typing this helps me realize the areas where I need to get my shit together. Not that knowledge creates action. Hopefully I can report something in the next post.
On a more exciting note, I went to my bar du jour, and interacted with a cute waiter who likes baseball, touched my shoulder, asked me my name, and made a comment that I was younger than I actually am - in heaven right now:)
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